Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
