I want to have your abortion
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
