Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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