I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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