She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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