Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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