The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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