So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
