FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
