I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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