he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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