Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
