One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
