And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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