I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
