dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
