then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
