is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
