The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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