I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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