i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.