So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
