I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
