I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
