I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
