There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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