Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
