So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
did i walk over a car last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
