Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
