I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
