I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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