She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
