Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
