is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
