just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
