She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
