Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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