I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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