Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
