don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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