Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
