Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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