i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
