So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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