I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
