If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
