It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
