Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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