and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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