i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
