my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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