Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
