Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
its liver damage thursday
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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