The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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