I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
where are my eyebrows?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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