does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
