Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize