I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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