She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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