She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
