saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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