He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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