the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
