We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
