oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
