My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
