so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
