Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
