you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
