I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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