I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize