I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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