and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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