college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
