it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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